


bad idea!

by cpacesowboyed



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Exy (All For The Game), F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:15:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24379315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cpacesowboyed/pseuds/cpacesowboyed
Summary: When Nathaniel was 8, his father burned him with a clothing iron and he still had the scar on his shoulder to prove it. He'd just turned 10 when he watched his mother get shot several times. By the time Nathaniel was 11, he was told that Nathan Wesninski was in a place that he could never hurt him again, and he was forced to become Neil Josten. Neil was 17, working in an arcade that had sticky counter tops and served too-greasy pizza, when a new in town blonde started to steal all the high scores and possibly something of Neil's.
Relationships: Allison Reynolds/Renee Walker (All For The Game), Jeremy Knox/Jean Moreau, Matt Boyd/Danielle "Dan" Wilds, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 10
Kudos: 218
Collections: All For The Games





	1. The Pot

When Nathaniel was 8, his father burned him with a clothing iron and he still had the scar on his shoulder to prove it. No one would ask him to though, because they simply didn’t know. The burn wasn’t where his abuse started nor is it where it ended.

Nathaniel just turned 10 when he watched his mother get shot several times. He could still remember the sound the bullet had made when it left the chamber. Most people thought it was a _bang_ but really it was more of a _boom_. The kind of boom that shook your entire body to it’s core and seemed to mute everything else around it. The world went quiet, his body felt grounded, and Mary Hatford had more holes in her body than what was healthy. _Boom. Boom. Boom_.

By the time Nathaniel was 11, he was told that Nathan Wesninski was in a place that he could never hurt him again. Nightmares proved the opposite. Some nights, he felt heavy and heard the echoed boom and the wet, choking sound his mother made when she hit the ground. Other nights, he felt hot and could smell the acute scent of burning flesh. Nathaniel had turned 12 when he was forced to move from Baltimore to South Carolina with his Uncle Stuart to some tiny town known as Palmetto. The type of town where crime rates were low and everyone knew everyone's business. It was around this time when he became Neil Josten. 

Neil was now 17, working in an arcade that had sticky counter tops, and served too-greasy pizza. Eden’s Twilight was the type of place that had wet spots on the floor that you couldn't determine whether they were piss or soda. Neil mopped enough of them up to know that they were probably a mixture of both.

Uncle Stuart cut ties with his organization after taking Neil in, claiming that protecting him would be his last gift to his late sister. Cutting ties with the mafia meant cash would be harder to come by. The two of them lived in a tiny apartment. Uncle Stu barely made rent every month, college for Neil was nothing but a pipe dream, but at least they got by. They weren’t really living. Just surviving. But as long as Neil could breath in the South Carolina air and as long as he could feel the jolt in his spine when some linebacker slammed him up against the stadium wall, the metallic taste of blood, it was enough. Proof that he was _alive._ Neil's job at Eden’s took a little pressure off of Stuart, but mostly, he worked there just so he could afford sports gear. As long as he could play, the screaming children and flashing neon lights were worth it. 

It was the beginning of September, school had been in session for a little less than a month, and the arcade was fairly empty on this particular Wednesday night. Neil was behind the prize counter, fiddling with a plastic lightsaber when someone new had wandered in. His finger slipped on one of the buttons and the lightsaber lit up red. This someone was shorter than Neil, which was shocking because Neil was 5’3 and had never met anyone his age who was as stunted as him. He had light blonde hair and was dressed in funeral black.

The boy had stayed until closing and when Neil emptied the tokens from the machines at the end of the day, he saw a new set of initials start making rank on some leaderboards. They read “AJM” 

“Renee,” he said. Renee was currently restocking toy spiders on the bottom shelf

“Yes?” 

“Who's that?” Neil pointed to where the mystery man stood 

She told him that the boy's name was Andrew Minyard, that he was new to Palmetto, and that he would be attending Palmetto High. He would probably be in some of Neil’s classes, she had said. He was. Two of them to be exact.

Their first conversation happened not in school though. It was at the prize counter.

“Your machine ate my token.” Andrew pointed back toward the game floor 

“Oh. How many did you put in?” Neil asked

“Two.” he stared at Andrew instead of retrieving tokens from his apron “What are you doing?”

He blinked. Once. Twice. Three times before finding his words. “You’re that new kid, right? AJM? You have all the high scores.”

“I’m aware. Can I get my tokens?” Neil fumbled as he reached for two tokens and instead pulled out a small handful. Now it was Andrew's turn to stare. He picked up two coins and pushed the others towards Neil. Andrew didn’t thank Neil as he walked towards the game floor. Instead, he gave him a two fingered salute. Neil gave one back.

The second time Neil interacted with Andrew was after an exy game. The Foxes had beat the Ravens, 12-11. His team had decided to celebrate by indulging in pizza and games at the expense of Neil’s employee discount. 

When they arrived, Andrew was in the middle of cleaning out the claw machine. A pile of stuffed toys lay at his side. He did not look like the type of person who liked stuffed toys. He looked like the type of person who would enjoy unstuffing a stuffed toy. The team had bought their tokens and they made their way around the arcade, hooting and hollering like they were the kings of Palmetto. As a group, they passed Andrew. He looked ready to completely ignore the Foxes but then Seth Gordon had made a comment under his breath. Something repulsive and dirty. He had been immediately decked by Andrew. No more comments were made after that. Neil would later see Andrew handing out the toys to kids who were unfortunate enough to fall victim to the machine's scam. He’d given out all of the toy except for one and was wandering around with an oversized fox when he stopped in front of Neil. 

“Hey! New kid!” he said. Neil was leaning against the wall, watching Dan and Matt play some bug-shooter game Eden’s had just set up.

Andrew eyed his team letterman jacket “You play exy?”

Neil nodded “At the highschool. You ever think about joining up?”

“No.” he deadpanned

“Why not?”

“Don’t ask dumb questions. Take this.” Andrew had shoved the fox into Neil’s arms and before he could respond, Andrew was already walking in the opposite direction. The stuffed fox now sat in a corner on Neil’s bed. Typically, Neil wasn’t partial to stuffed animals but he’d make an exception just this once. For Andrew.

Now, three months later, Neil Josten stood behind the prize counter, watching Andrew Minyard beat competitor after competitor on a beat up Tekken machine. Atleast, the side of the box said the game was called Tekken. A decent sized crowd had amassed around Andrew and whoever else was playing.

“Earth to Neil,” Matthew Boyd’s hand waved in front of his face and Neil slapped it away “Not to distract you from not doing your job but you should totally do your job instead of staring at whatever it is over there that’s so interesting.”

“What?” he asked, trying to focus back in on whatever was in front of him

Danielle Wilds pulled a crumpled slip of paper out of her pocket that had the number 86 printed on it in faded black inc “Our tickets,” Neil grabbed it and began to smooth it out

“You guys had like what?” he peered behind them to glimpse at where a couple of the older foxes sat, surrounding an empty pizza tray. Kevin Day, Jeremy Knox, Allison Reynolds, Jean Moraeu, and to no one's surprise, Seth Gordon was missing, “Four? Five people? And you only managed to rack up 86 tickets between all of you?”

“Hey! Not all of us can be as good at arcade games as AJM” Matt defended

A sly smile spread across Dan's face “Speaking of Andrew…”  
Neil knew where this was going. Ever since the fox incident- that’s what the team deemed it- Dan, Matt, and Allison were urging Neil to ask Andrew out. Neil, who had never asked anyone out, disagreed with this idea. Neil didn’t date. It complicated things. But he would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about it. Often. “What about Andrew? You guys can’t get much. Maybe a couple of candies…” Neil reached into the display case and grabbed a handful of tootsie rolls

“Stop deflecting!” Dan said at the same time Matt said “How do you know? You didn’t even pull out the calculator!”

“I'm not deflecting! It's easy math, Matt.” Neil put them on the counter and pushed them in Matt’s direction

“You’re such a nerd,” Matt began to unwrap one

“Because I passed fourth grade math?”

“Yup!”

Dan sighed “I can’t believe it’s come to this but..the pots gotten so big-”

“What pot?” he asked, genuinely curious

“Neil, when the fox incident happened, we started a new bet.” she explained. He could not believe his teammates were betting on him. Again. He could not believe his teammates were betting on him again. Neil thought they learned their lesson when they bet on how many suicides Neil could do across the court before getting tired. The answer was above 70 and the consequence was being benched from that week's game to teach him about restraint. “You ask Andrew out, we cut you in, 80-20.” Neil also couldn't believe what he was about to say. He was a broke highschool student who needed new cleats. What’s the worst that could happen? 

“No. 60-40” he figured his pride and the imminent rejection he was about to receive was worth a little more than 20% of whatever was in the pot

“What? No-” Matt cried through a mouthful of sweets

“Deal!” Dan interrupted him

“Dan you can't-” but before Matt could make his point, Neil was tearing off a marker cap with his teeth. He took the team's ticket slip and scribbled a series of numbers down before making a show of folding it in half and placing it in his apron. Neil vaulted the counter and made his way toward Tekken.

Truthfully, Neil knew nothing about video games. He knew enough to understand that having that little health on your display was probably not a good thing. He saw a line of tokens on the mantle of the screen. Neil had been at the arcade long enough now to know what this meant. It was a declaration. A silent challenge for the winner. A claim at the opportunity to dethrone the victor. Andrew jerked the joystick to the left and pressed a couple of buttons in an incomprehensible order that only made sense to someone who’d spent countless hours memorizing combos. The last bit of life was taken off of his opponent's health bar. Some kids cheered and a couple booed. It seemed opinions on Andrew Minyard were controversial everywhere. Andrew turned on his heel and said to the flock of children

“Okay, that’s enough. I’m sick of winning.” he scanned the crowd before saying “I’ll play one more game. Send in your best man or whatever” Neil took this as an opportunity and pushed himself to the front, claiming a space at the second joystick.

“Andrew, what’s up?”

“Oh,” he raised an eyebrow “aren’t you working?”

“I’m on break,” Andrew settled on a character and took a moment to change the color palette.

A moment passed “Are you going to put a token in?” Neil realized Andrew was waiting on him to move.

“Uh,” he took a coin from the mantle and slid it into the machine “Who should I play as?”

“Don’t care. You’ll lose anyway.”

“Cocky much?” Neil went back and forth and settled on some pink haired girl with an unpronounceable last name.

“Nope.”

Round one was over before it even started. Neil really could've done a better job at randomly smashing buttons. The only perk from button mashing his way through the first 10 seconds was that he had learned how to make his character jump. Neil spent the entire second round jumping around the screen, he also learned that she had chainsaw arms. They weren’t much help. This round lasted longer than the first, but not by much. There wasn’t a third. The game declared Andrew as the winner.

“Thanks for...whatever that was” he jerked his head towards the machine. The crowd parted. A thing everyone knew about Andrew despite his short time being in Palmetto: he did not like to be touched. Before he could make his way through his makeshift red sea, Neil stopped him

“Hey wait!” Andrew turned “I work behind the counter over there.”

“I know...”

“Right…” he reached into his apron and pulled out the defiled ticket slip “I saw you drop this on the ground and thought you’d like to have it back.” he shoved the slip in the space between them and because human psychology demands it, Andrew grabbed it. A callback to one of their earlier interactions. Before he could hand it back and make some snarky remark about how he’d never claim a ticket slip that added up to a pathetic amount such as this, Neil was already hauling ass to the prize counter and making his way through a door marked “employees only”

-

  
Hours had passed and even at closing, Neil still couldn't believe he had the gall to ask Andrew out. Well, give Andrew his number. Either way he was getting paid. He was grinning as he removed tokens from machines. Renee appeared behind him and said “Neil,”

“Jesus fuck! Renee!” he startled and coins flew everywhere

“Sorry…” she began to help Neil pick up the fallen tokens

“If you’re here to ask me to lock up, I was already planning on it”

She bit her lip before saying “Well, yes, that and…” Neil looked her in the eye now “I know you gave Andrew your number,” how she knew he didn't know, and he told her just as much “He texted me,” Renee held up her phone and pointed to it

Neil asked “Why do you text Andrew Minyard?”

“Stop deflecting. Listen-”

“Why does everyone keep telling me to stop deflecting?

“Everyone tells you to stop deflecting?” she asked

“No. I don’t deflect anything.” Renee looked doubtful “We’re getting off topic. What are you trying to say?” he remembered she was working towards a point. A point involving Andrew.

Renee said “Neil, I don’t know if you asked him out because of the bet-” Neil didn't know how she knew about the pot either, and he told her that too “Allison told me”

“Why do you text Allison?” he asked

“Neil.” she pleaded

“Yeah, okay. What is it?”

“I don't know if you did this for money, or because you genuinely like him, but I hope it's the latter.”

“What are you implying, Renee?”

Renee crossed her arms and said “I'm not implying anything. I just hope you gave him your phone number for the right reasons” Neil hoped so too, because truth be told, he didn't know if it was because of the money or if he genuinely liked Andrew either. He’d never liked anyone like that, as juvenile as it sounded “Is that all?”

“Yeah Neil.” She put the arcade key ring on top of the token dispenser “That's all.”  
-

Neil let the shower water hit the back of his neck. It wasn’t hot because steamy showers meant overtime. Neil dressed. His clothes were whatever name brand athletic gear he could score from the Goodwill down the road. Neil lay awake at 3 in the morning. Sleeping meant seeing his father again. Family reunions really weren’t Neils cup of tea. He wondered what Nathaniel Wesninski would be doing right now, if he hadn't become Neil Josten. This, piled on top of his conversation with Renee proved to be the perfect formula for insomnia. Neil turned over on his side and stared at the bare wall. He turned on his back and stared at the cracked ceiling. Neil’s eyes begged to be closed but before he could comply, his phone pinged. The bright screen burned and the notification banner said he had a text from an unknown number. It read:

-hey


	2. Dance Machines of Tyranny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil is oddly good at Dance, Dance, Revolution but terrible at understanding people's feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Guide To Texting:  
> Neil's are in bold  
> Andrew's are not

  
-hey

**-Hello?**

-is this exy boy?

**-Wow**

**-I have a name**

-sorry

-is this exy arcade boy who sucks at tekken? 

**-Neil**

**-My name is Neil**

-i know

-i think i liked my name better though :(

**-Are u actually frowning?**

-no  
-  
Neil was grinning like a goddamn idiot  
-

**-Hey**

-what

**-Tomorrow is Saterday**

**-Saturday***

-so?

**-Let’s hang out? It’s my day off**

-i have things to do 

-so no

**-Do these “things” include going to the arcade and playing games all day?**

-what’s it to you

**-I’ll go with you**

-isn't it your day off?

**-Yeah**

-why would you spend your day off at the place you work?

**-You’d be there**

-...

-fine

**-Really?**

-don’t make me change my mind  
  
**-It’s a date**

-43%

**-??**

-go to sleep  
-  


Neil plugged his phone into the charger and looked at the ceiling some more. No way he was going to sleep tonight.  
Saturday had arrived much sooner than he anticipated. Friday’s classes barely registered in his mind. Something about World War 2 or Stalin. American History was Kevin's thing and staring at Andrew during American History was Neil’s. Andrew's thing happened to be giving Neil the finger whenever he caught Neil staring. 

  
-  
**-Where do you live?**

-why

**-So I can pick you up**

-just meet me there

**-Rude**

**-I’ll buy u an ice cream**

-are you actually gasping

**-No**

**-Address?**  
  
-it’s december

**-So?**

-you’re using ice cream to get information out of me

**-Yes?**

-...

-you're evil, did you know that?

-[click address link]

**-:)**

-are you actually smiling

**-Maybe**

-  
Neil arrived at the address google maps sent him to twenty minutes later. He didn’t own a car but the one in the parking lot looked expensive enough to buy him two. Andrew lived in a decent sized house in a suburban area. The type of place that harbored parents with 2.5 kids and maybe even a golden retriever. Neil didn’t think Andrew owned a golden retriever. He took a breath. Two. Three breaths. He knocked on the door and was shocked when instead of a father or mother, a man who looked only a little older than Neil answered. The man said: 

“I didn’t think it was cookie season,”

“I- what?” Neil asked “Is Andrew here?”

“Andrew?” a worried expression crossed his face “What did he do this time?” 

Neil was confused “He didn’t do anything.”

“So why are you here?”

“We’re…” he searched for the right word. Date? He had called it a date earlier but that was a heat of the moment thing. That was all “hanging out.”

“Uh,” a tiny smile spread across his face “Yeah. Okay. He’s in his room.” The man opened the door and Neil stepped into the house. It smelled like gingerbread and cinnamon “It’s the first door on the right” 

He walked through an archway that led to a narrow hallway. The hall had pictures of the man who answered the door standing next to a bigger man. Some of what Neil could only assume was a baby Andrew. The first door on the right was closed so he knocked

“It’s open.” said a voice from inside the room. Neil twisted the knob and entered.   
In the room was a bed tucked into a corner, a desk with a bookcase attached (the bookcase was filled with ratted paperbacks and candy wrappers), and a few bean bags were thrown on the floor in front of a small TV that sat on top of a chipped wooden dresser. Neil wasn’t sure how Andrew managed to swing getting a TV in his bedroom. He didn’t even own a TV. 

Andrew was laying on the bed, book in hand “Your uh….some guy let me in” 

“Nicky.” Andrew closed the book and looked at Neil “My cousin.”

“You live with your cousin?” Neil really wasn’t in the position to judge other people’s living situations and Andrew told him as much. Neil didn’t know how Andrew even knew that.

He replied with “Allison told me.”

“You text Allison? Why?”

“Sometimes I don’t know if you’re genuinely that fucking obtuse or if it’s just an act.” Andrew slipped one shoe on. Tied it. Repeated the process.

“Maybe it’s a bit of both. Don’t you have any other family?” 

“A brother.” Neil knew about Aaron. He’d seen him fraternizing with some Vixens while he was at Exy practice. 

“What about your mom?” he asked 

“Dead.”

“Oh.” 

“Yeah.” Andrew said 

“Sorry…”

“No, you’re not”

“What?” he asked incredulously 

“You’re not sorry. You just feel like an asshole and don’t know what else to say.” Andrew got up and began to walk towards the door. He stopped when he had reached Neil’s shoulder “If you knew her, you wouldn’t be sorry”   
-

“My mom is dead too,” Neil blurted. They were walking on a sidewalk towards the local ice cream parlor that the team liked to visit sometimes. It was small, the owner was sweet, and they only served 6 flavors. Snow crunched beneath their feet. Neil didn’t even like ice cream but he found himself making a lot of exceptions for Andrew as of late. 

“Okay.” he said

Neil confirmed “Yeah. Okay” 

Andrew opened the door to Bee’s Icecream, a bell chimed, and the conversation ended.

-

Eden’s Twilight was fairly crowded due to the fact that it was a weekend and Palmetto didn’t have a wide selection of things to do that were legal. The arcade was perfectly legal. Vandalizing a park bench with spray paint was not, but Neil found this concept difficult to explain to Seth. 

Andrew inserted a twenty dollar bill in the token machine and one hundred golden coins clinked as they landed in the slot. 

“That’s a lot of coins.” Neil said 

"I'll buy you something pretty," Andrew scooped them up made his way to the game floor “Let’s go, Josten.”

“I’m not really good at video games.” they weaved in between children and machines 

“That much is obvious.” They both recalled their Tekken game. Fuck Tekken.

Andrew stopped in front of a brightly lit game that had a platform attached to it. The platform had 5 colorful boxes, 4 of which had arrows facing separate directions “You might be good at this though.” 

The screen showed a music video playing behind moving arrows and the speakers blared music in a language Neil recognized as Korean. “What is it?” He gripped the handlebar and hoisted himself over it, landing skillfully onto the platform. Working behind the prize counter meant as little interaction with the games as possible, which Neil was thankful for. 

“I wasn’t aware you could not read...why do you even work at an arcade?” Andrew ducked under the handlebar and slid in underneath it. He straightened himself out before saying “Dance, Dance, Revolution.”

Neil smiled a bit “I wasn’t aware dancing was tyrannical, are we going to overthrow it?” Andrew chuckled but quickly hid it with a cough “Did you just laugh?” 

“No” 

“I can’t believe I just made Andrew Minyard laugh. The next time someone calls you soulless I might need to tell them about this.” 

“Drop it, Neil.” So he did, because Andrew had asked 

He put a couple of coins in both of the token slots and Neil asked “How do you play? Do you really want to know why I work at an arcade?”

“You step on the arrows that correspond with whatever is on the screen,” he placed his foot on the right arrow and the song changed, “Why not.” 

“I need the money and this beats Bee’s Icecream” 

“What’s wrong with Bee’s Icecream?” he looked offended

“Six flavors? I don’t even like ice cream but really? Six flavors? Baskin Robbins has at least 31!”

“Fair,” Andrew nodded "but it's part of the rustic charm, no?

"I wouldn't consider Palmetto 'rustic'" Neil said “Do I get a truth now?”

Andrew placed his foot on the center stepping pad “Depends,” 

“On?” the screen turned black

“You have to beat me.” and faded in again

“Deal.” and the game had begun

Andrew was right. Neil was good at this game. He liked it, too. Andrew was quickly falling behind him and though he tried not to show it, he was breathing heavily. By the time the song finished he was doubled over on the support bar, face red.

“I win” Neil beamed. He didn’t even break a sweat. Looks like night practice with Kevin really was worth it.

“Congratulations. The world is cheering for you.” So Andrew was a sore loser, Neil could deal with that

“You don't look so hot,” 

“Thanks,” Andrew heaved a bit, “you tell that to all your dates?”

Neil rubbed the back of his neck “No it’s just- do you want some water? I’ll go get you some water.” 

-

He returned 4 minutes later and Andrew was nowhere to be seen. In his place there was a large, tattooed man and a girl. Andrew had ditched him. Great. He cleared his throat and the girl turned around. 

“Did you see a guy here? A little shorter than me...dressed in black?” Neil asked. The girl nodded and told him that Andrew took off as soon as they approached the machine, she pointed in the direction he left. 

After about 5 minutes of wandering, he spotted Andrew glued to a joystick. A slowly growing crowd stood around him, watching. 

“Do you need a player two?” Neil leaned against the side of the machine, it titled and he quickly stepped away

Andrew scoffed “Castlevania 1986 doesn’t have two players, jackass” he pressed a couple of buttons and the game made a sound that indicated something was dying “Stop looking at me like that. Do you have a staring problem?”

“I thought it was my turn to ask a question.” he answered

"You do that during class too. It's weird." Andrew glanced up from the screen for a brief moment and asked “Yes or no?”

“ _You're_ weird. I brought you water,” he held up a cold bottle. Andrew looked a little more annoyed than he did a few seconds ago so Neil said “Yes.”   
Andrew reached his right hand out and Neil didn’t hesitate to take it. It was warm and felt a little clammy. He pulled Neil so he was positioned in between Andrew and the arcade game. Andrew slid his left hand on top of Neil’s as well, intertwining their fingers. Andrew guided their hands so they were over the buttons and joystick and began to walk Neil through the basics of the game. Holy water and boomerangs. Curses and crucifixes. He did fairly well with Andrew’s help. Medusa perished despite Neil’s anxiety. Hunchbacks attacked but it wasn’t anything they couldn’t handle. They managed to get to what Andrew deemed as “the last stage”. The crowd around them had grown considerably.

“Dracula” he whispered into Neil’s ear. A warm sensation. The hairs on his arms stood up and he got goosebumps. Accidentally, he tilted his head back, not a lot but enough that Andrew’s lips brushed against the back of his neck. Andrew released Neil and took a couple of steps back. He watched from close behind and Neil quickly realized that the only reason he had gotten as far as he had was because Andrew was doing all the work. Mostly, he was just paying attention to the fact that he was holding Andrew’s hand. All 3 of Neil’s hearts were taken from him almost immediately and the crowd of onlookers groaned while dispersing 

-

They walked through Palmetto Park, Andrew had pulled a cigarette from somewhere out of his jacket and was smoking it. 

“Those things’ll kill you, y’know?” he didn’t hate it though. Neil enjoyed the smell.

“Well aren’t you all high and mighty,” he stopped walking and placed a hand on Neil’s shoulder to purchase himself. His boot raised and the cigarette had been stubbed out before being tossed into a nearby garbage bin “Better?”

“I never said it was bad,” Andrew didn’t respond to that comment as they continued to walk. It was nighttime now and a couple of stars had come out. They twinkled and Neil was reminded of something from his childhood, “Did you know that the stars we see are probably already dead?”

Andrew gave him a look “That’s a weird thing to say.” 

“Maybe,” Neil let out a breath, he was able to see it. “My mom told me that.” Everything was cold. Neil didn’t realize he’d been shivering until Andrew asked him:

“Are you cold?” 

“I’m fine.”

“I hate liars” Andrew began removing his bomber jacket 

“I guess I’m a little chilly, but I am not going to take your jacket. You’d be cold.”

“Who cares?” Andrew flourished his jacket once. Twice. Three times. His jacket made its way around Neil’s shoulders and Andrew stood there, in front of him, hands wrapped on the collar. He stood just a little too close for just a little too long. The jacket smelled faintly of nicotine.

“Do you always answer a question with a question? Nicky might care. Aaron...”

“I don’t think they would.” Andrew said

“I care,”

“Stop.” Andrew released the collar and sat on a park bench after wiping snow from it. Neil copied his action and sat down next to him. 

“Do I get my question now?”

“Shoot.” He seemed to be looking anywhere but at Neil. There were a number of things he wanted to ask Andrew, but one probed at him the most

“Why did you leave me? At the machine of tyranny?”

Andrew’s face was filled with terror and shock and disgust and- “You want the truth?” all emotions faded away

“Liars.” Neil mused “Hate and all that.”

“Okay,” Andrew said “just remember that you wanted this…”

Andrew explained why he now lived with his cousin and brother in Palmetto. His past in foster care and Drake. Drake-Fucking-Spear. A foster brother he had when he lived somewhere very far away from where he now resided, who did things to him that no brother should do. He told Neil about how the man at the arcade looked just like Drake and how he needed to “get the fuck out of there”. About the others before Drake. Not about how he feared there would be more after, though. Neil could tell because he felt a little like that too. Sometimes, he still thought he was being followed by one of his father’s men. During his first few weeks with Stuart he feared being hit. He had flinched every time Stuart had raised a hand. When Andrew finished Neil said: 

“Oh.”

"Yeah."

Neil didn’t want to say “I’m sorry” because now he knew how Andrew felt about apologies on things Neil had nothing to do with.

"My turn,"

"Is this a game now?"

“It’s not anything if you don't want it to be.” Andrew said 

“I like games,” Neil smiled and it didn’t reach his ears. It was small and private.

“Even though you’re shit at them?”

Neil confirmed “Even though I’m shit at them. What’s your question?”

They went back and forth with this for what seemed like hours. Andrew learned that Neil’s mom was killed by his dad. Neil learned that Andrew’s favorite color was blue. Cornflower. Persian. Sapphire. Neil had confessed that he’d been watching Andrew, whenever he came into the arcade. At school. Andrew was aware but he humored him anyway.

“Good to know I have a stalker” Back and forth. Back and forth. It felt strange being all open and unguarded like this. It wasn't as if his walls came crumbling down. No. They were standing tall. It was more like Andrew had searched and searched and eventually, he found a way in. No one said wall’s had to be impenetrable. Most weren’t and why should Neil’s be any different?

“Why did you give me your number” Andrew hated liars, right?

Neil laughed a bit “My friends dared me to,” he knew Andrew knew what jokes were. He’d laughed at one earlier, though no one would believe him if he told them. 

“Oh.” Andrew was not laughing. His face twitched a little but otherwise remained neutral. Neil could see the anger in his eyes. Gold turned into red and it _burned_. God, how it burned “Oh.”

“No,” Neil tried to explain “Andrew it's not like that-” 

“It sounds a lot like you gave me your number for some cash and now you’re feeling guilty because you realized I’m actually a fucking person.” his voice remained even which made what he was saying only a thousand times worse, and it was already so terrible. 

“Andrew I-” but before he could respond Andrew was already storming off. It was so, so cold.

Neil ran after him “Would you listen to me?”

“Why the fuck would I want to do that?” Andrew asked “Do you get more money the longer this goes on?” he didn’t slow down and Neil settled for jogging backwards just to face him “Get out of my face, Josten”

“I like you, okay?” he blurted. Neil didn’t know why. He’d never considered how the words would taste once they were spoken on his tongue but they were there. Poignant and true. Really, it should have been more obvious. When his hand was cradled in Andrew’s, it felt right. It felt like a _boom_ and like his skin was burning. But it wasn’t bad. It was a sensation he wanted to feel many more times. “I’ve liked you for a long time, I think.” Andrew stopped walking and glared “I just- I don’t feel this way with other people. I didn’t know I could,” 

"Bullshit,"

“The first time I saw you, I didn’t know what it was but it was _this._ ” Neil gestured in the space between them and in that moment, everything was still

“So you really are just a fucking idiot…” 

"Yes. I don't care about the money." Neil said "I don't."

Andrew asked "Yes or no?"

“It’s always going to be yes with you” 

Andrew took two steps toward him and grabbed him by the collar. Neil was on the ground faster than he could say “I’m sorry. Kiss me? Punch me? Scream at me? Whatever it takes for you to forgive me. Just don’t _leave me_.” but he didn't say any of that. Instead, he waited. All Neil felt was cold as his back lay against the snow. 

“Half of the time,” Andrew began, voice barely above a whisper “the very sight of you makes me want to commit murder,” he leaned in close so his face was just inches from Neil’s “and I can’t help but hate you for it...”

“And the other half?” 

“Shut up.”

Neil loved games, “Make me.” even though he was shit at them

Andrew kissed him and it _burned._ It burned and the world was quiet except for the loud _boom boom boom_ of his heart. Neil was warm all over despite the snow against his back. Everything was _smoke_ , _fire_ , and _nicotine_. Only one thought made its way through his mind. It was _more, more, more_ \- “The other half, I want to do that,” Andrew said, defeated. He hung his head as if it was something to be ashamed of.

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Andrew stared at cornflower, persian, and sapphire. Neil was looking at the stars. They weren’t looking back, though. They were already dead. “Don’t text me.” 

Neil didn't stop him from leaving. He didn't even look. All he heard was the fading _crunch crunch crunch_ sound that the snow made. That sound, such a sad one, would be ingrained into Neil's mind forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading :)  
> feed my ego down below


	3. The World Was Built For Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil is forced to confront things in a chapter that is very short because half of it got put into chapter 2 instead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a guide to texting:  
> Matt's texts are italicized  
> Neil's are bold

The night he just had with Andrew played in his head on repeat, and it wouldn’t stop. Honestly? Neil didn’t care if it did, because all the pain and ache he was feeling right now was well deserved. He would take it all, a million times, if he could just feel Andrew’s lips were on his again. Just one more kiss before he was sent off to the gallows. But Andrew had told him not to text.

“ _It sounds a lot like_ ” it sounded a lot like Neil was a piece of shit

_“number for some cash”_ probably because he _was_ a piece of shit

_“feeling guilty”_ Neil _was_ feeling guilty 

_“I’m a fucking person”_ and he _should_ feel guilty. He gave Andrew his number without sorting out his feelings first, but even then, he really did like Andrew. Even if he never allowed himself to think or say it, he _liked_ Andrew. He liked his laugh, what little of it he had gotten to hear. It was a sound that he’d like to drown himself in. Neil didn’t really care if he’d suffocate. He wasn’t really living anyway. Just surviving. Neil liked the way he smelled. Like nicotine. Like a bad idea. 

-

**-Come get me?**

_-Where r u? What happened?_

**-The Park**

_-Wtf???_

_-B there in 5_

-

Matt arrived in his truck 6 minutes later. Dan was sitting in the passenger seat so Neil had to hunker down in the back. He sprawled out over all three of the seats and tilted the heater so that it was directed towards his face.

“Are you okay? Were you going on a run?” Matt asked. He was frantic and worried. Asking questions faster than Neil could answer them.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

Dan said “Bullshit. If you were fine, you wouldn’t have asked us to come and get you.”

“I asked Matt. I don’t remember texting you,” 

“Details.” her eyes widened when she turned around “Whose jacket is that?” Neil became painfully aware that he was still wearing Andrew’s jacket. The world around him turned into nicotine and kisses and _don’t text again_. Absentmindedly, his fingers found their way up to his mouth.

“It’s Andrew’s...” the car went silent. They hit a pothole and his arm jerked back down.

“So why couldn’t he drive you home? He has a Maserati, y’know?” Matt said finally. Neil nodded and pretended to understand the importance of a Maserati.

“He left.”

“So you two were on a date and he ditched you? How did you fuck up that badly?” Dan asked “What did you say to him?”

“I...told him that I gave him my number on a dare,” he admitted. Dan groaned. Matt laughed. Dan punched his arm. The truck swerved.

“Why would you do that?” 

“He wanted the truth!” Neil shrugged 

Matt laughed some more “He thought you genuinely liked him and then you told him that you only asked him out because of us! Of course he left, dude!”

“I didn’t think it’d get this far!” he protested

“He gave you his jacket,” 

“He... also kissed me,” 

“Oh Neil...” she sighed

-

Neil couldn’t bring himself to eat the left over mac-n-cheese Stuart had left on the stove. His stomach felt like it was going to propel itself out of his mouth. Instead, he sat on his bed and stared at Andrew’s contact. He wouldn’t text. He respected Andrew’s wishes too much to go against them. Looking though their old conversations were enough. A notification appeared and Neil was re-directed into a group chat.

-

Group chat: neil is an idiot!!!!

Allison: asshole!!!

Neil: ?What

Allison: renee told you not to play with him and what do you do?

Neil: Why do you even talk to Renee?

Groupchat: neil is a mega idiot!!!!!!

Renee: Allison,,,

Allison: sometimes neil,

Allison: you’re so fucking oblivious it hurts

Neil: That still doesn’t explain why you two talk

Renee: We’ve been dating for three months

Neil: Oh

Neil: No shit?

Allison: stop changing the subject!!!!!

Neil: Okay,

Neil: Why am I an asshole?

Renee: Besides the obvious reasons or this specific time?

Neil: Wow

Neil: Who would’ve thought that ur secretly really mean :(

Renee: :)

Neil: Let’s go with this specific time

Allison: she told you not the fuck with andrew and what did you do??

Allison: ???

Neil: I gave him my number?

Allison: are you asking me or telling me?

Neil: I did a lot of things with Andrew

Neil: You’ll have to be more specific

Allison: ew…

Renee: Don’t be gross, Neil

Neil: No! Not like that!!

Allison: omf

Renee: Neil,

Neil:...Yes?

Renee: Remember when I said that I hoped you were doing this for the right reasons?

Neil: I recall you saying something along those lines…

Renee: Andrew is sensitive.

Renee: He doesn’t show it but there’s a lot going on inside of his head. You messing with him does not help this

Neil: I wasn’t messing with him!

Allison: You weren’t? 

Allison: You should tell him that

Neil: I did!!

Neil: !!

Allison: is that why he stopped showing up to school?

Neil: Why would I know!

Neil: He told me not to text him!

Allison: babe

Allison: is he serious?

Allison: text! not call, dumbass!

Neil: You’re saying I should call him?

Renee: :)

-

Neil knew exactly how to fix this. He threw on his warmest pants and Andrew’s jacket before leaving the apartment.

His phone rang once. Twice. Three times before Andrew picked up. One in the morning wasn’t prime phone call time but it had to be now or never. Neil couldn’t fuck this up. Not again. 

“‘Drew,”

“What the fuck do you want?” he sounded bored 

“We need to talk.”

“You can talk. I can’t promise a response.”

“I still have your jacket.”

“Keep it.” the line was quiet until Neil decided he couldn’t continue to dance around egg shells. 

“I like you.” Andrew didn’t respond “Alot. If I knew that telling you the truth was going to make you hate me, I just would’ve just lied. Because I’m sick and tired of you ignoring me and acting like if you could just avoid _this,_ ” thoughts of _this_ and _more_ flooded his mind “it would just go away! It won’t.

‘Drew...I’d rather get to see your face and have you hate me than have you like me and just go and disappear on me...”

“I hate liars...” Andrew whispered

“Then hate me. But don’t leave. Don’t go. Stay. I like you.” he said 

“Eighty percent.” 

“Without the bet, I like you” he explained “Without the cash I want nothing more than to just exist alongside you.”

“Ninety-”

“I like you. I’ll tell you every truth you want to know. Just ask and I’ll tell you…”

“Ninety-nine”

“I'm sorry. I like you. I'm not sorry that I like you though,”

Andrew asked "What do you want?"

“This.”

“One hundred and fucking two percent,”

“I want this.”

“There is no this.”

“Let me be your player two.” he grinned a little when he said this

“Shut up.”

“Make me.” Neil knocked on the door of the suburban house. There was no golden retriever or mother or father when Andrew answered it. “Make me.” he repeated, this time, to Andrew’s face

Andrew pulled him inside and pinned him against the front door. It slammed and the house echoed. “I told you not to text,”

“Text. Not call. I figured out your game.” 

“Bullshit.” but Neil could see that Andrew was more relieved than angry “Yes or no?”

“ _Yes._ ” Andrew kissed him and a thousand pyres lit inside of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading :)  
> feel free to feed my ego down below


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